I Miss You
by GRITS girls raised in south
Summary: A final goodbye to Finn Hudson. Rachel is heartbroken but because she loved him as a first love and a friend NOT as the guy she was meant to be with. Noah's there to comfort her. ONE SHOT. My way of coping with Cory's death.


**AN: Obviously we've all heard the news about Cory. This is an AU goodbye to our beloved Finn seeing as Cory is the only Finn to all of us.**

Rachel POV:

** I**t's been a year since Finn passed away. See he had just finished his first semester and summer studying to be a teacher at OSU, he enrolled late and couldn't start until second semester and was behind so he had to take a semesters worth of classes during June. Anyway after finishing up his classes and spending the 4th of July with his mom, Kurt, Burt and their families he decided to spend some time in Canada on vacation with some friends from school. It was while he was in Canada that it happened. One night they decided to go for drinks and such and then he came back to his hotel room sometime early in the morning with a bottle of vodka. Apparently the bottle was poisoned though and he had no knowledge of it. The next morning the hotel staff found him when they came in clean up the room, like make up the bed and stuff they do while the rooms are still being occupied.

So it's been a year since Finn died. We'd had his funeral so this was just a celebration of his life but that doesn't mean that I don't still get sad or upset over him being gone. It's true I wasn't exactly dating Finn at the time he died but that didn't mean I didn't love him. I also have moved on from romantically loving Finn, I was already well on my way a year ago. Now I only love Finn as a friend but even losing a friend takes time to be able to get back to a semi normal way of life. Losing Finn hurt so bad because even though we were friends I had loved him at one point, he was my first love and my first time, and you don't just get over something like that.

So I'm sitting here at Finn's memorial celebration, next to Noah, and listening while a myriad of people talk about how great Finn was and their memories of him. Quite frankly I find it annoying because the only people who truly knew Finn aren't actually the ones talking. The ones talking are people who knew him for only a few months in college and people who barely acknowledged him in high school. I'm not saying that his friends from OSU didn't know him but knowing Finn for only a few months means that there is no way they could know the complete and real Finn Christopher Hudson. Finally Burt goes up and starts talking. I actually start paying attention to what people have to say about Finn at this point because I realize that now the people who truly knew Finn are the only ones left to talk. Burt's speech about how their families combined and how he saw Finn as his son along with Kurt had Rachel in tears.

Next up was Carol. Hearing her try to put into words how much her only biological son meant to her was heart breaking. Not that she was completely strong when she started talking but as she kept talking the tears came harder and faster until Carol broke down completely half way through what she was saying. I completely lost it seeing how devastated Carol still was over losing her son; she was such a sweet lady and Finn was so sweet that neither of them deserved this. Carol was so devastated that Kurt and Burt had to go comfort her while Kurt finished what Carol had to say, she'd written down a guideline because she hated talking in front of large crowds and with how many people loved Finn it was a given that there would be a large crowd. Following Carol was Kurt and then Mr. Schue and the rest of the glee club. Noah didn't go up there until I did. The entire time he'd been sitting right beside me with his arm wrapped around my shoulder to comfort me and when I couldn't keep it together anymore he let me cry into his chest while he quietly comforted me and rubbed my back gently.

Anyway when I went up there to try and say what I wanted to say Noah went with me for support because he knew I couldn't handle being up there alone talking about losing the boy that was my first love and that I still loved in a way. I was barely holding myself together as it was, after all. "I've known Finn personally since our sophomore year of high school but I've known him a lot longer considering we've gone to the same school and had many of the same classes since I moved to Lima in 3rd grade. Finn joined Glee our sophomore year and it was through his example that other jocks and cheerleaders from our high school also joined. Glee was considered to be lame and made you a loser and a geek if you were in it at McKinley but Finn didn't care about those stereotypes; at first he didn't want to be there as much as we all thought but after we almost lost our glee teacher Finn was the one who pulled the 6 of us, including him, together and we were practicing a song by Journey that our teacher happened to overhear and decided that he loved teaching too much to quite. That was the beginning and things took off from there. And admittedly things weren't always easy, sophomore year itself was a hard one for our entire glee club. See Finn's girlfriend at the time was a cheerleader and was pregnant, only things weren't exactly the way they seemed. A series of events happened, including said girlfriend having the pregnancy outted to her parents and the school before she was ready, that lead to a major fight between Finn and his best friend who is standing here beside me after the truth was revealed by me. The truth came out the day before we were to compete at sectionals for glee and we had to recruit someone else who was easy to intimidate in order to compete seeing as Finn was so upset at the truth that he almost didn't show up but when he did show up he saved the day again. Things cooled off for a while after that until regionals came around and his then and now ex had her water break right after we finished performing. Regionals that year was really emotional because not only did we lose but a baby was born and then given up for adoption by her biological parents not to mention that right before our performance Finn and I started dating. Then junior year rolled around and things got a little easier but were still hard but I had Finn by my side so that was a good thing. Junior year did of course bring it's own share of drama with it. Some news from the previous year came back to bite Finn and I in the butt which lead to me being hurt and doing something that was wrong and caused Finn and I to break up and then there was the whole Finn also making a bad decision and lead to him and his ex hurting a guy who was really sweet. And there was the wedding of Kurt's dad and Finn's mom that the glee club was a part of. And there was also the cheerleading coach losing her sister. But the best part of junior year had to be making it to Nationals in New York City and getting back together with Finn at Nationals. Senior year came around and Finn proposed me. I said yes because I loved him but once again things happened and we didn't get married. We ended up breaking up after graduation because I had been willing to give up my Broadway dreams for Finn but he loved me too much to let that happen. The year following that was spent finding out why I'd had dreams of Broadway to begin with and slowly healing from the heartbreak. I didn't have romantic feelings for Finn when he died because that year in New York without him taught me that while I will always love Finn and that Finn was my first love that we weren't meant to be together in the end. Finn was a small town boy who thrived on small town activities while I was meant for New York and Broadway. Finn never asked me to give up my dreams for him so I couldn't ask him to change who he was to be with me. This past year without him has been hard because I will always love Finn for who he was and what he has taught me and because of what a wonderful friend he was to so many people but also because it's hard to realize that someone your age could die, it shows that we aren't invincible and the fact that he has a mom and adoptive dad who are still alive makes it even harder because what person wants to think about losing a parent much less losing a kid. While Finn was an adult and trying to get a teaching degree he was still a son to Carol and Burt Hudson-Hummel and this is something no parent should ever have to go through. Finn was always smiling and I can't remember a time when he didn't eventually forgive someone who had hurt him, no matter how badly they may have hurt him. Finn was truly a guy that could make friends with anyone but he also knew how to stand up for himself if need be and that makes him one in a million in my book because he rarely used violence to get his way, instead he would try to convince others to see his view point which normally worked out in his favor." I finished barely able to speak due to the tears streaming down her face.

Next Noah spoke briefly about Finn's and his friendship. "Finn was a stand-up kinda guy. He was the one person besides my family and Rachel who was always there for me and believed in me. He's the one who first introduced me to music, which I grew to love, and he was the one who always pushed to improve. When Rachel was in New York he was the one who encouraged me to sing at open mic nights and shit to try and further my music career. It was thanks to him that I also decided to enroll at OSU for composition of music and operations management. The only reason I share that is because Finn's the one who convinced me to get to apply to the Columbus OSU campus with him and he was also the one who persuaded me to pursue those particular majors. He was my best friend since we were both 2 years old when we met at the play ground so to know that he's gone is still absolutely mind numbing. We miss ya bud. Fly high brother. We all miss you and keep an eye on Rach and you mom especially cause they seem to be taking it the hardest." Noah finished what he had to say about Finn. Then he added, "I know Rachel's already talked but one thing me, her, and Finn all had in common is that we best express our emotions through song so she's going to sing a song she wrote while I play the guitar for her. Hope you guys enjoy."

"This is for you Finn." I say simply before nodding at Noah to start playing the introduction.

_Sha la la la la  
Sha la la la la_

You used to call me your angel  
Said I was sent straight down from heaven  
You'd hold me close in your arms

I loved the way you felt so strong  
I never wanted you to leave  
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you  
I miss your smile  
And I still shed a tear  
Every once in a while  
And even though it's different now  
You're still here somehow  
My heart won't let you go  
And I need you to know  
I miss you, sha la la la la  
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer  
And now I'm living out my dream  
Oh how I wish you could see  
Everything that's happening for me  
I'm thinking back on the past  
It's true that time is flying by too fast  


_I miss you  
I miss your smile  
And I still shed a tear  
Every once in a while  
And even though it's different now  
You're still here somehow  
My heart won't let you go  
And I need you to know  
I miss you, sha la la la la  
I miss you_

I know you're in a better place, yeah  
But I wish that I could see your face, oh  
I know you're where you need to be  
Even though it's not here with me  


_I miss you  
I miss your smile  
And I still shed a tear  
Every once in a while  
And even though it's different now  
You're still here somehow  
My heart won't let you go  
And I need you to know  
I miss you, sha la la la la  
I miss you_

_I miss you  
I miss your smile  
And I still shed a tear  
Every once in a while  
And even though it's different now  
You're still here somehow  
My heart won't let you go  
And I need you to know  
I miss you, sha la la la la  
I miss you_

After we finish the song I'm crying once again so Noah put his guitar down before wrapping me in his arms and leading me back to our seats. "It's ok baby I know how much you loved him and you need to know he loved you too. I know you feel guilty about moving on but it's ok. You know Finn told me before he left on that trip that he knew I still had feelings for you and that it was ok for us to get together and he even said that he thought me and you were the ones that were actually meant to be together just like you and him were destined to be friends and he was completely ok with that. When my best friend was encouraging me to go after the girl he was once engaged to I knew it was more than ok to try us again." Noah whispered as he rubbed her back.

Even as everyone else left I continued to cry and Noah continued to comfort me. Finally about 30 minutes later my tears were dry and I was feeling calm enough to leave so Noah led me out to his truck and simply drove me back to his apartment where I fell asleep from utter exhaustion and crying once more after getting there.

**AN 2: Maybe some will say it's too soon but why not? Writing is therapeutic to some people and I'd say that seems true for me. Anyway the song is 'I Miss You' from Miley Cyrus and the majors I mentioned for Noah are both actually offered at the Columbus campus of OSU check it out at undergrad . osu . edu / majors / search . aspx**


End file.
